I looked through my old posts about my boyfriend and I, 

When we first started to date I was so scared, scared he was just using me 
As we dated longer I posted about our highlights; first falling for each other, first saying I love you, first time we made love.

It’s amazing, for the past four months I’ve been writing letters to him.  Letters about the days we’ve spent together, letters about these highlights.  After I wrote the letters I put them in a big manila envelope and didn’t read them again.

I planned to give them on our 1 year anniversary, I don’t know if I can wait

We’re spending this weekend together I’m tempted to ruin the surprise then

I never thought I could love someone this much, I never thought I could love

I could never have been happier 

we were at for what felt like hours

hard, and fast

when we both finished, we went a second time

I tried my hardest to be silent, it didn’t work

You’re dad probably heard everything, don’t care

After the second time we both collapsed, I had no strength in my body

You lifted my arm to put around you so we could be close.

Rough sex is intense  

since when was I losing weight  not on my own?

since when was I scared by that? 

This bed is no longer a bed 

It’s the place we made love

The place we had rough sex

The spot we slept together, if I would roll away in the night you would find me in your sleep and hold me close again 

I can no longer lay in my bed the same

This weekend was amazing, being so close to you
I wait for the day we can wake up everyday next to each other  

I had sex

My biggest fear was conquered 

Everything I was scared of, everything I thought I would never want happened 

Weirdest thing: I’m okay with it  I have no regrets

I love my boyfriend 
I love that we waited
And I love that I trust him  

been super busy with school, work, and boyfriend

been eating like shit

it’s all going to my hips and sides